Thinking of the title is always the hardest thing to do

I watched a sharing by Ustaz Omar Suleiman on youtube yesterday. Gotta admit I kinda amazed by his sharing. Not just because of his content, but also by the way he delivered his speech. So fluent and articulate. No 'aaa' or 'uhm' and whatnot. The same goes with Ustaz Nouman Ali Khan. How can people be this good at speaking? Cos I kinda suck at it. 

Talking is really not my forte. 

I love writing but I Ioathe talking.

Maybe because this trait is embedded in my introvert gene?

I dont like talking too much or open up to people verbally. Because at the end of the day I will regret it. It happened almost 90% of the time. Is this part of the reasons to why my speaking skill is underdeveloped? Idk.

I've always struggled talking to people. It doesn't come naturally. People always thought that I'm sombong. But when I try to be friendly, I know I'm faking it. Except with certain people whom I just click.

I rarely share my problems, thoughts or buat luahan perasaan dekat orang. But i gotta do it somehow because bottle up everything isn't healthy. Hence I resort to writing. Just like what I'm doing on this blog.

To write is way better than to speak. Because in writing, there's always an edit or delete button. I can always write, read it again and reflect before i post it. 

But in speaking, once the word is spit out of your mouth, it can't be undo and you have to face the consequences. If you said something hurtful, provocative, or stupid then you have to taste your own medicine.

Bombooclat

BOMBOOCLAT

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Can you relate to this picture?
I can.

Malam mak aku meninggal.
Aku tidur di dalam bilik.
Jenazah tidur di ruang tamu.
Abah tidur di sebelah jenazah.


Sebelum abah lelap,
abah semacam mengeluh, "Hmmm cepatnya pergi."

Bila aku dengar abah cakap macam tu
I swear my heart broke into million pieces
I struggled to fight tears.
Because i have to be strong for him.
Sebab aku tahu
Sesedih aku
Abah lagi sedih.

So with all the strength i could muster
I uttered in the most calm voice,
"Tidurlah abah. Dah lewat ni."

Then aku lari masuk bilik.
Menangis.

Just like the guy in the picture above.

So it's mother's day

Seronoknya semalam berada di rumah bersama ummi.

Malangnya cuma mimpi.

Dah berbulan-bulan tak mimpikan arwah ummi.
Tiba-tiba semalam dia datang.

Tapi pelik.

Sebelum ni setiap kali mimpikan dia, aku tahu dia dah tak ada,
walaupun aku sedang menatap dia dalam mimpi.
Aku sedar yang dia dah tak ada in reality,
walaupun aku sedang berbual-bual dengan dia di dalam mimpi.

Sebab tu setiap kali terjaga aku rasa kecewa.
Because the dream ended
and reality came crashing down on me.
Sebab dalam mimpi je aku boleh jumpa dia.
Sometimes dream is better than reality kan?
Korang faham tak?
Aku pun tak faham macam mana aku boleh aware dalam mimpi
yelah our brains work in mysterious ways kan.

Anyway dalam mimpi semalam
otak aku tak boleh nak register yang dia dah tak ada.
Seolah-olah pemergian dia tak pernah aku alami.
Perasaan tu seperti aku sedang bermimpikan seseorang yang masih ada.
Then bila terjaga, aku tak rasa kecewa
tapi aku rasa confused.
Korang faham tak?

Tapi aku tak katalah mimpi tu membawa apa-apa maksud.
Cuma nak kata appreciate your parents while they are still alive.
Sebab parents je yang ikhlas sayang kita without strings attached.

Tak kira betapa jahat, teruk, dan annoying nya kita
mereka je yang akan tetap bersama kita
to pick us up when we fall
to dust us off when the world pushes us down to our knees
selagi hayat mereka dikandung badan.

People come and go.

But parents?
They stay.
They always stay.

Walaupun kadang-kadang tindakan mereka
seperti bertentangan dengan definisi sayang yang kita faham.

But they do really love you.

Lepas my mom pergi,
I learned a huge lesson in life
in a painful way.

Appreciate your parents.
Appreciate your parents.
Appreciate your parents.

I can't stress this enough.

By appreciate,
I don't mean the bare minimum.
Don't just do the bare minimum.
If you could go the extra mile,
go the extra mile.
Take the extra step.

Talk to them.
Hug them.
Kiss them.

Feel the wrinkles on their skin,
before the time comes where you can afford to see the wrinkles only in a picture.

Look into their ancient eyes,
before the eyes close forever.

Learn your mother's recipe of your favorite food,
before you have to learn the recipe only by try and error.

I mean whatever.
Just do whatever you've a;ways wanted to do
with them
to them
for them
while you still have the chance.

***

Happy mother's day to all mothers in the world.